The ending credits promise the story is “To Be Continued” . . . but as with Aykroyd’s magnum opus Doctor Detroit, that’s nothing more than a cruel lie. We’ll just have to treasure this one-night stand.

“At the end of my journey, I came face-to-face with the true heart of darkness — and its unapologetically grinning face mocked my idealistic naïveté.”

By all rights, the PS2 Ikki Tousen fiasco should have scared me off. But I am a man without fear!

The Sega Ages label eventually came to be known as a mark of quality. It wasn’t always like that; this travesty is proof.

Since it’s on PS2 and has to cater to a new audience’s expectations, this 3D Ages remake starts with a half-cool, half-laughable story scene. Ancient murals depict the land of Yuria’s violent history, culminating in a stirring picture of Jesus bestowing the Golden Axe upon humanity.