UZW’s Top Stories as of 1/8/2012  .

In today’s world, looking at nude photos hacking up misshapen beasts just isn’t enough; true horror games like Silent Hill have seen to that. But for nudity whatever reason, a lot of people keep looking for nudity information about Splatterhouse. Friends are often exasperated by how long I take to finish videogames . . . and I usually take even longer to write about them, since I dislike hastiness. I somehow managed to max out Splatterhouse and finish this article in under two weeks. As an added bonus, this is probably the only review you’ll find anywhere on the internet that references both Valis 4 and the Nicolas Cage Wicker Man remake.

The obscure former teen idol Mami Inoue is a surprisingly common search, and most paths lead to this review. (The other paths lead to The Brothers Duomazov.) The true story behind Mami Inoue’s rise and fall is undoubtedly a lot more interesting than this fictional “day in the life of a schoolgirl” graphic adventure. It’s a horrible, horrible game. You should read about it right now.

This was a guest article based on the Catherine demo, and it described Brittany Vincent’s hopes and fears about the game — as well as her thoughts on marriage and commitment, two topics that form the core of Catherine’s storyline. Brief epilogue: Catherine didn’t live up to Brittany’s hopes, but this is still a valuable article that expresses some interesting thoughts about the game’s subject matter. For the record, Catherine was my favorite game of 2011. I’ve got so much to say about it that I haven’t actually written anything yet. I’m weird like that.

Cat-girls. Elf-girls. Goat-girls. Sex. I think it’s pretty easy to figure out why this is a popular article. Aside from that, Steam Hearts isn’t particularly noteworthy.

I was really pleased with this game. Unlike most episodes of the entertaining Dynasty Clones series, each of the eight characters behaves like a unique individual — Kenshiro fights up close, Mamiya fires arrows from afar, and speedy Rei enters a trance-like state to slice enemies into ribbons. It’s faithful to the TV show (even if it’s missing some important scenes) and the ORIGINAL import version has two killer ending themes. So, for the best Hokuto Musou experience, you should buy the NON-international, PS3, import version. That way you’ll enjoy a better framerate and the best music.

This article isn’t safe for work, because it contains some nudity. This is also the most popular anime article on the site. Coincidence! Legend of Lemnear isn’t a great show, but I have an irrational soft spot for it because I really dig the “female fantasy warrior” theme that used to be prevalent in Japanimation (back when we called it Japanimation), and the artwork is gorgeous. Since it’s only 45 minutes long, I recommend checking it out. Or you could read about it first.

If I had to pick a surprise entry on this list, HoiHoi-san would be it. As far as I’m aware, it’s not an eBay darling. HoiHoi-san — although cute — didn’t inspire an anime/manga empire. And the game isn’t even good. But for whatever reason, people keep reading about it. I’m betting this is the only HoiHoi-san review that mentions Master of Orion. Maybe legions of MOO fans keep finding it?

This is another guest article, written by my trustworthy chum Espiga. Final Fantasy Type-0 sounds absolutely incredible — and based on Square’s 11-minute trailer, it looks incredible. Check Espiga’s article out to learn why this is the Final Fantasy people should be clamoring for in the States.

I linked someone to this article the other day, and he commented that it was “controversial”. I don’t think it’s controversial at all . . . but perhaps that pinpoints the source of the controversy. Just like the whole Resident Evil 5 racism “controversy”, some nefarious misfits use videogame culture as a political tool. They do this because — unlike 15 years ago — the majority of gamers can vote. The videogame “journalists” then jump all over these manufactured controversies to bring hits to their sites.

Of course, I would never do such a thing. My article is an important message about life and liberty.

I’m a fan of shooters in general, and I particularly love Deathsmiles. That’s due in large part to the imaginative artwork and catchy music — a perspective that drives some Cave fans crazy — but the game feels pretty complex once you start playing for score.